i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
