so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
