I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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