he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
