apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
