Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize