Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
