he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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