Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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