Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
