she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
