I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
