I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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