you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm jealous of your bromance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
