Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My pussy is not your playground.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
His hands were made for my vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
