I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
