Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
