I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I need to calm my uterus...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
