Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
