I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Randomize
