You're a womanizer and a bitch.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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