I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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