so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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