he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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