Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize