dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
