Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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