its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
