thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
