K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
