Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
