Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
