If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
