I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
