My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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