If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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