we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Michael Bay diarrhea
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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