Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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