Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
