i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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