Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
