Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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