chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I pour the whiskey from now on
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize