Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
