even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
