He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
