I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
