Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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