the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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