You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
