So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize