Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
