First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
