My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Randomize
