I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
