thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
it's like heaven, but drunker
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We are all done wearing pants today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
