Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
