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• (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.

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• (315): View more from New York

  I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.

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• (848): View more from New Jersey

  We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.

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• (585): View more from New York

  You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.

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• (916): View more from California

  Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I still have a little drunk in my system

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other

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