i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
