I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
